Posted by: Trigger | 18 June, 2008

It goes on and on and on and on.

La la la la, let’s all just pretend that I don’t do this whole, “Oh hi, I’m back” followed by “I’m not going to post for a long time” followed by “It’s me again!” And so on, and so forth.

But I am back again.


Things were wild there for a bit. I have several posts to write. I’ll start with this one.

I know that Laurel says she went to the best bachelorette party ever, but I beg to differ. (Hi Laurel! You’re sassy and wonderful and I totally agree with your Love/Hate list re. bachelorette parties!)

Here’s how I’m staking my claim for best bachelorette party ever. The last weekend in May (5/31, see previous post), I actually threw my dear friend THE BEST BACHELORETTE PARTY EVER (BBPE). Several people even proclaimed it such during that night. (And I didn’t even have to pay them money to do so!) Although, I don’t doubt that Laurel’s BBPE was also a top-notch set of festivities.

To be honest, It didn’t start off so hot. I was driving north to the party locale (Seattle) that Saturday morning, when I got a phone call from my friend, Bridesmaid #2. She informed me that not only had the bride-to-be’s dog escaped from her home, but he was also hit by a car. And he died. SO SAD!

The wheels were too far in motion to cancel at that point (especially my wheels, which by then were in motion about 145 mi from my home). So the show had to go on! We obviously avoided the topic around the bachelorette, and instead, focused on Fun! Happy! Things!

Side note: Now, this might make me a bad person, but throughout the day & night, when something would go awry and someone would almost get hurt (like me, falling off a chair while hanging lights), or something would come close to breaking (like one of two blenders constantly making tasty beverages) – the B#2 would say, “Hey, be careful, we’ve already got one dead dog!”

If you can’t laugh…right?

I’m going to hell.

Anyway, earlier in the week, I got some stuff at Party Central or a similarly named trashy strip mall store that I had to drive 30 min to, because Portland proper is all Independent Business and what not, which most times I adore, but not when I want bulk plastic silverware and paper plates. (HELLO, RUN ON SENTENCE!) At the party store, I found all sorts of things to help pull off the Caribbean theme: gold plastic silverware (I promise it wasn’t tacky looking), burnished gold plates and cups, deep gold tablecloths, “Caribbean blue” plates and cups (that’s even what the packaging said!). And some disposable blue margarita glasses, so we weren’t kickin’ it plastic cup style. I also go some really neat globe lights, and a ton of tea lights, so we had sultry lighting. And then I bought some leis that were made with neat flowers that worked really well to decorate with! Oh, and a fish net, that I set out on top of one of the tables. Anyway, it looked way less silly and amateur than I feared, and instead it looked, actually, pretty cool.

So the drinks were good. And the food was good (fresh fruit salad, Cuban bean sandwhich dealies, shrimp skewers, mango salsa and pico de gallo and my favorite tortilla chips, the best shrimp dip ever – worthy of it’s own acronym BSDE – I think that’s most of it). The panty game went really well. She guess which gift was from me just by the way it was wrapped. I guess I’m THAT obvious! Despite my apparently overtly Trigger wrapping foible (I thought the silver wrapping paper, with multi-colored polka dot fabric ribbon was cute, not a dead giveaway!), everyone had fun with this little game.

Around 8:30, our transportation showed up. It was a big black van driven by Tom the Driver. Tom the Driver simply MADE the night. 13 girls, all dressed up, and already most of the way to drunk – it’s like a middle aged man’s fantasy! I had made a cd chock full of singles I knew would be crowd pleasers, and when we got in the van, we were told that the cd player was not in working order. No matter, we chose the next best radio station for the trip to Havana Social Club in Capitol Hill.

As we got out of the van, Tom the Driver asked me how long we would be in the bar. “A couple of hours? Maybe longer? Is that okay?” I furtively threw out there.

“Oh sure, yeah, no problem. I was just thinking I’d go back to garage and get a van with a working CD player. If that’s alright?” he replied.

“You rock! Thanks, Tom!” cried our fleet of click-clacking girls as we headed to our first destination.

I’d made the bachelorette scavenger hunt list purposefully a bit of a stretch for what I thought she’d be willing to do. Because hey, if you don’t act silly at your bachelorette party, then when can you? But she, dead dog and all, brought her A game. And was charming the pants off all the fellas in the bar, straight, gay, hipster, old man – all of ’em. If I weren’t anonymous on here, I would totally show you the photos, because they are priceless!!!

We stayed there for about three hours. And five drinks. You guys, I rarely drink more than one glass of wine, let alone FIVE HARD ALCOHOL CONTAINING DRINKS. For drunkies, we were all in good spirits and totally in control. Not a sloppy moment in sight. We called Tom the Driver, to let him know we were ready to go somewhere else, and he met us right in front of the bar, BBPE Mix blaring. I believe the opening track was “Last Dance” by Donna Summer. And it was blaring. Tom was diggin’ it.

When the girls would get extra into a song (say, Nelly Furtado’s “Maneater” or Biz Markie’s “Say I’m Just a Friend”), Tom would CRANK IT UP, without any request to do so. He just GOT THE VIBE OF THE NIGHT.

At the second bar of the night, one of the more persuasive (read: slutty, and I say that with love) of the group somehow got us in, at the front of the 1/2 block long line, without paying the $20 cover. Which is good for multiple reasons, not least of which, I’m a stubborn Portlander who believes there’s something wrong with paying to go drink somewhere. Ever. There’s a good brewery across the street from my house, and another three within a 5 minute walking distance, where they let you drink for just the cost of the beer, I DON’T PAY COVERS. But that’s not the point. The point is, we got in free.

So then we kind of wandered our drunk selves around, but it was packed, and soon we were up on the roof deck, and it was nice, but the bride to be wanted a cheeseburger. And who are we to go against that? So we called Tom again, and he picked us up. This time blaring the oh-so-classy, always-a-hit-with-drunk-girls, “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” by Big & Rich. Tom the Driver was also enjoying this little gem, incidentally.

We tried to make our way to the famed Seattle drive in burger establishment, “Dick’s Drive In Restaurant” – but we had stayed out just a bit too late. Dick’s was closed. Next best? The McDonald’s drive in on the way to our sleeping arrangements. Tom the Driver was a good sport, and somehow, all of us somewhere between 7 and 10 drinks deep for the night, we were able to coherently gather orders for the whole van, with me taking notes and clearly ordering all of our tasty late night treats. Plus a Big & Tasty, hold the mayo, for Tom the Driver. Just because we liked him.

Food in hand, we finished the drive back to the house where we all crashed. As we were driving the last block and a half home, the final song of the BBPE Mix came on. Muttering a few words, and without most of the car’s riders noticing, Tom the Driver turned to me and said, “Is it okay if I just drive around the block a few more times?”

I just nodded. It was apparent no one in the van would even notice. Around me, 13 twentysomething young women, all of us there for each other through thick and thin, were singing their hearts out. Through one friend’s tragic death, and others moving far too far away; through break ups, and first real loves; through graduation, job searches, graduate programs, and now weddings. We’ve got something really special.

We might have had slight hangovers the next morning, but it was nothing a shower and some coffee & krispy kremes didn’t fix. And we had one heck of a night, the BBPE. The end.



  1. This sounds so damn fun.

    If I ever get married, I’m sending my best friend to you to coordinate.

  2. My invitation must have just gotten lost. That’s cool.

  3. Okay. As fun as my bachelorette party was, anything that involves a late night Dick’s burger is a pretty strong contender for BBPE! It sounds like a great night that meets all of my LOVE criteria!

  4. I’m in love with Tom the Driver. He sounds super great and that night? Sounds absolutely PERFECT. Well done, girl!

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