Posted by: Trigger | 26 April, 2008

Rendezvous with a dress.

Well, sort of. Hehe.

So first of all, college roomie shows up, bridesmaid dress in hand, and all I feel is a rock in my stomach. “What will I do if this is just WAY TOO SMALL?” I whine to college roomie.

“Well, T – I don’t know, let’s just hope it fits. It will fit,” she replies, stuffing the plastic wrapped garment into my hands and flopping down on my bed.

I peek underneath the plastic at this – the cause of much of my anxiety of late: one knee length bridesmaid dress.

“IT’S BABY BLUE! SHE TOLD US IT WOULD BE FRENCH BLUE!” I shrieked, with much indignation.

I do not. Do. Pastels.

The bride had promised a lovely saturated blue, one with maybe even a touch of purple. I’m not even kidding you, this satin dress is none other than baby blue. Or maybe it’s sky blue. It’s not entirely washed out. But french blue, it is not.

This dress is becoming my mortal enemy.

College roomie has only a limited amount of time in my fair city, on her way back to Seattle. I couldn’t bear to try on the dress and show off just how much of a stuffed sausage I am in front of her – she being one of the “naturally fast metabolism” and “skinny genes” variety of girls.

I am not. That. Kind. Of girl.

(Although I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I wish I was…)

So I just choose to ignore the elephant in the room. And no, that’s not some self-deprecating comment about myself. The elephant in the room was that strapless, knee length, ruched on one side, baby blue satin gown (complete with silver satin shoes WITH BOWS). People, I could not be making this up at this point. I know that it sounds like a bad amalgamation of unreasonable bride-to-be expectations, but THIS IS WHAT I’M UP AGAINST. It’s a good thing I love my friend, the bride.

To cheer me up, college roomie says, “well, at least you aren’t stuck with the short, funny looking, strange groomsman like I am.”

She’s right – that does cheer me up. And off we trounce for coffee, and window shopping, before she gets back on the road to points northerly.

I skulk back into my bedroom, having a little showdown with the dress. My first move: I pull off the plastic, hold it up to my rib cage.

“It’s going to be too small. Look at this – it is definitely too small!” I proclaim to a very-bored-with-the-topic-can-we-move-on-already Z. “Guess I better go try it on.”

I slump into the bathroom, peel off my layers, and shimmy into the dress. For whatever reason, I pull it on over my hips, which is already bound to be hard for us curvy girls, even with a dress in the right size. It gets a little stuck, but not too bad. I persevere.

The dress is up around my rib cage. I have it zipped most of the way up. Could it be?


I have never been more excited for a dress to kinda sorta fit in my entire life.

But I’ll take it. Extra long training runs and fewer carbs for me, and a good pair of spanx – and I’ll look damn hot in my little satin blue number, next to my NON-AWK, NON-UGLY groomsman. Shyeah, go Trigger!!!!

(Now I have to figure out an updo, which is never successful for my thick, long, REALLY straight hair. [Editor’s Note: We’re talking, go ahead and curl it, it’ll just be stick straight again 10 minutes later, doesn’t matter how much hairspray and other product you use, straight.] One time I was a bridesmaid, I sat down in the stylist’s chair, and she literally goes, “I’m not sure there’s anything I can do for you. I’ll try, but I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.” Suggestions?)



  1. haha you are awesome… but baby blue still sucks ewwwww

  2. No idea on the updo. I have long thick hair too, and I usually just put it in hot rollers then pull it halfway back. And BOO on the baby blue matchy-matchy dress and shoes!

  3. I’m wearing a baby blue-ish dress too. But no ruching. I guess this means we can’t be dress twins. 😦

  4. I’m thinking putting in up in either a chignon OR some type of fancy ponytail.

    I wish I had straight, straight, straight hair.

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