Posted by: Trigger | 23 April, 2008

A snippet in time, 2004

This morning, I didn’t really wake up ready to face the world, but I woke up ready to give it heck regardless.

Do you ever have those moments? The one where, despite crummy work weeks, tired heads, allergy induced sniffles, perpetual gray/rainy mornings, you just have to look around yourself and say, “you know, I’m doing pretty well.”

This morning, I barely rolled myself out of bed. (“Nice dismount,” Z teased as he rolled over in bed and ignored the coming morning for just a few more minutes.)

I lazily drug myself into the hall, grabbed a fluffy white towel from the closet, and trudged into the bathroom. I flipped on the fan, and grudgingly turned on lowest light available.

I do not do bright early mornings.

Normally, I do not do music in the mornings either. Z? Is all about blasting the radio in the mornings. Sometimes progressive a.m. radio talk shows, sometimes music, whatever. Me? I usually use that time to ease myself into the day. I close my eyes in the shower, lean against the shower door, turn the water on way too hot for most people, and just generally take my time joining the world of the wakeful.

Today, for whatever reason, I turned on the radio station to my local (and AWESOME) alternative/indie radio station. As the minutes ticked by, I warmed up to the day and began to move with a purpose through my morning routine: quick shower, wash the hair, wash the face & ears, condition the hair, shave the legs (knee & lower), wash the body, rinse, dry; contacts, face lotion, eye cream, q-tips, brush the teeth; pick out work clothes, fold clothes up for bike ride, pick out bike clothes, climb into bed next to Z and scratch his back until he wakes up all the way, get dressed, etc.

The radio station announcer came on, telling me that the daily feature “The at Work 8 at 8” was going to be eight songs from the year 2004. The year I graduated from college. So much happened that year. I almost fell in love, I almost got into medical school, I definitely graduated with honors in my field, I double definitely spent a long time looking for a job to actually utilize my degree, I bravely moved to a new city and started over, and really – I just did a lot of growing up. So I wasn’t surprised when the first song from the playlist, sent me falling back in time, imagining all the things I grew to associate that song with when it was first released.

” Bad news comes don’t you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans
We both got fired on the exactly the same day
Well we’ll float on good news is on the way”

I was pretty much an over-achiever in college. Senior year alone, I had a part time job with the College of Education, coincidentally the same place my mom had worked about 30 years before me. I was doing neuroscience research in a lab, preparing my thesis for departmental honors as well as my honors college degree requirements. I was Social Chair for my sorority, and also, Philanthropy Chair for our fundraising community service event, a 5-on-5 basketball tourney that (at least in my era) was the most successful Greek fundraiser on campus. I sat on the Student Health Center’s Advisory Board, and when that wasn’t challenging enough, I took on planning a staff in-service to raise awareness of health issues and cultural differences regarding health care for international students. AND I was blessed with tons of friends and a full social life to boot!

So, when it came time to register for Spring Term classes, I did something very uncharacteristic. I left myself almost an entire day with nothing scheduled – no school, no work, and no lab. Friday mornings, all I had to do was throw on my swim suit, swing open the french doors in my bedroom that opened onto our deck and enormous back yard (the house I lived in with friends that year was A-MAZ-ING), turn on my stereo and plop myself down on a deck chair, sunglasses, water and “reading” in hand.

Modest Mouse’s “Float On” was a big hit that year, and I loved the album it came from, Good News for People Who Love Bad News. Things were okay, life was swell, and I was going to graduate in 10 short weeks. But until then, my Friday mornings were carefree, sun filled, and all my own. Some days, friends would meander past my backyard, and spot me from the nearby sidewalk. They’d stop to chatter, and eventually decide to make a quick trip home for a costume change, returning in 5 or 10 minutes with swimsuits and sunglasses of their own on. Other days, my BFF Finn would come home early from class, and surprise me with a noon hour cocktail. Those days, not surprisingly, sometimes turned into the days that I happened show up for my only commitment of the day (Sensory Physiology, the only neuroscience class in the history of neuroscience classes that had not one, but TWO cute boys in it), slightly buzzed. (I’m not sure if the buzz made SensoryPhys & learning about cochlear neuroscience, or visual neuroscience, or what have you MORE interesting, or LESS interesting). And some days, I just soaked it all in, realizing that the freedom I was enjoying would be gone in just a couple of months, giving way to grown-up responsibilities, new adventures, and many more pressures than I had ever felt.

When I think about those days, I definitely feel a wave of nostalgia. I feel proud of who I was then, and I  also feel humbled by all that I didn’t know at the time, all I never expected I would end up learning.

” Ok don’t worry we’ll all float on
Even if things get heavy we’ll all float on
Alright already we’ll all float on
Don’t you worry we’ll all float on”

And then, Z walked in, kissed me twice, or maybe three times – said the sweetest, “I love you,” and I realized that although life then was pretty great, what I have now is even better.



  1. You’re awesome, all around. I love the image of you drinking noon cocktails in a bathing suit and glasses. It’s so glam. 😛

  2. Aw, I like this post. The other day my friend from high school asked me “don’t you miss college?” And even though I told her yes, I think the answer is no, for the same reason it’s a no for you.

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