Posted by: Trigger | 3 April, 2008

I have a new friend.

This post is NOT about puppies. Hopefully. Fine, I will admit it. I’m TOTALLY puppeh crazy at this point. I look at pictures of little Wyatt every day and just practically squeal with delight. And I’ve NEVER EVEN MET HIM (although I get to next weekend!). How obnoxious am I going to be by the time he actually comes to live with us? Presuming a lot there, but roll with me…anyway. We’re not talking about puppehs today.

Today we’re talking about my new friend. My new friend Ty. I might paraphrase some of the dialogue between Z and myself, but the texts are included letter for letter. Here’s how I met Ty:

Scene: Sunday night, Z and I spread out on our bed with MCAT prep books, our old Medical Physiology, Organic Chemistry and Physics texts covering most of the surface area of our bed. We’re deep in though, him studying alkene reactions, myself, studying homeostasis and kidney physiology. Needless to say, a distraction was welcome…

8:39 pm, Pacific Daylight time, my phone buzzes with a message…

To: Trigger’s Cell
From: 714-833-**** (number redacted to protect the innocent, or ridiculous)
This is ty, did u got new song by lil wayne – lollipop

I blink at the screen of my phone a few times, and then wave it in Z’s face. “Who is this? What is he talking about? I don’t know any Tys!!” I exclaim.
Z: “Are you sure? You really don’t know any Tys?” he asks.
Trigger: “Let’s look up that song. What the heck is he talking about?” (NB: I am mostly an indie rock, underground hiphop kinda girl…the top 40 eludes me many times…)
We pull out the MacBook, go to town searching for not just Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop,” but also where the heck the 714 area code is located. Here’s the song (you’re welcome, it’s HORRIBLE), and the area code happens to be registered to Orange County in SoCal…where I know approximately 0 people…
Trigger: “What the heck? I wonder who this guy thinks he’s talking to?”
Z: “You should text him back. Tell him you like the song.”
Trigger: “Really?”
Z: “Yeah, it’d be funny, come on, do it!”

8:42 pm
To: Ty
From: Trigger
Yeah it’s really good

Trigger: “Z, I can’t believe you convinced me to do that. What the heck! I can’t believe I told him that song was actually good, how can I encourage that!” (it should be noted, I said what the heck approximately 27 times during this whole exchange)
Z: “I know, it’s so funny!”
Trigger: “I don’t think it’s THAT funny, do you?”
Z: “Yeah, it’s pretty funny.”

8:43 pm
To: Trigger
From: Ty
Ok, i just saw it last week

Z: “Text him again!!!”
Trigger: “What would I say? Are you drunk?”
Z: “Yeah, exactly!!!”
Trigger: (against my better judgement) “Okay”

8:45 pm
To: Ty
From: Trigger
Cool. What are you up to tonight? Are you drunk again?

****************

8:47 pm
To: Trigger
From: Ty
Yeah, im still drinkin i havet sober yet

****************

8:51 pm (Ty’s getting a little more bold, didn’t wait for a reply)
To: Trigger
From: Ty
“Yesterday my bday but its bored and now im drunk”

Trigger: “WTF? This kid is WASTED!”
Z: “Totally, say something else to him!”
Trigger: “But…he’s wasted…”
Z: “I know, it’s so funny, keep going, come on”
Trigger: “I’m kinda getting worried about Ty.”

8:52 pm
To: Ty
From: Trigger
How long have you been drunk, dude?

****************

8:55 pm
To: Trigger
From: Ty
Almost all day i just start at 2 noon until now, im still drinkin

Trigger: blink blink
Z: “Well, which is it Ty, did you start drinking at 2:00 or at noon???”
Trigger: “Who is this guy, and why does he think he knows me?”
Z: “I don’t know. Find out what he’s drinking.”

8:56 pm
From: Trigger
To: Ty
What are you drinking? Did you have a good birthday?

****************

9:00 pm
From: Ty
To: Trigger
Lil bit Hennesy and lil bit other stulff (sic) and beers, im laying down relaxing

Z: “Ahhh, Ty. Good call on the Hennessy. Everybody should get drunk on cognac for their birthday…”
Trigger: “Who the heck is this guy?”
Z: “I think we’ve already established that we don’t know.”

9:02 pm
From: Ty
To: Trigger
My bday is suck yesterday but 2nite im drunk ass

Trigger: “This guy – whoever he is – has serious spelling, grammar AND syntax problems!”
Z: “He hit the English language problems trifecta there…”
(we continued studying for a few minutes)
Trigger: “Will you scratch my back now?
Z: “Ask Ty to do it, I’m tired.”
Trigger: “BUT! Aren’t you jealous, what if Ty is hot?”
Z: “I’m sure he is. And he’s mad wasted too. I’m totally overwhelmed with jealousy here.”
Trigger: “Pleaaaase scratch my back?”
Z: “Only if you text Ty again…”

9:03 pm
From: Trigger
To: Ty
Keep it up dude

****************

9:16 pm
From: Ty
To: Trigger
Im trying

Trigger: “Okay, I’m done. No more, let’s leave poor Ty alone”
Z: “No Fun Trigger – when did you show up?”
Trigger: “Will you scratch my back NOW?”

April 2nd (yesterday) 2:06 pm
From: Ty
To: Trigger
How the weather Oregon

Trigger: (at work, to herself) “Oh no, not again! Who the heck are you, TY???”
(forwards text to both Z and work friend, who’s been filled in on the saga of Ty, doesn’t say anything back until egged on to do so by Z and workfriend)

6:24 pm
From: Trigger
To: Ty
It’s great here

****************

6:28 pm
From: Ty
To: Trigger
Ok, damn im turn dark brown already

Trigger: (to self, at BCBG while trying on tops) “Ty, I just don’t get you at all.”
BCBG Salesguy: “I’m sorry, miss, what was that?”
Trigger: “Oh, nothing…”

Stay tuned. Will Ty write again (all signs point to most likely)? Is Ty a man from Trigger’s past (not likely; unless he’s from the ANCIENT past of high school, in which case Trigger’s phone number has changed so many times, it’s unlikely, unless it’s this kid Tyree who used to have a mondo crush on Trigger, who was buddies with this guy Seven – name changed – who is one of 3 people (besides relatives) Trigger still talks to from her high school, and happens to be a writer in LA, so is the closest link to SoCal and anyone named any variation of Ty that she can think of AT ALL)? Is Ty a stranger, and is this a case of mistaken identity? Only time will tell.

Also, time will tell if I will stop referring to myself in the third person for dramatic effect. I, for one, am hoping so…

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Responses

  1. I’d be saying “What the heck,” a lot too. Also, I see what the appeal is in Z. “Scratch my back now!” Ah, you crack me up. Whoo!

    I hope the Ty story has a happy ending. Or at least one that doesn’t involve a detective and America’s Most Wanted.


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