Posted by: Trigger | 23 January, 2008

Turns out, life goes on.

So, thank you to all for your expressions of support after I shared the weekend’s events yesterday. I do appreciate it, and there’s definitely something to be said for knowing that people are sending positive vibes out into the cosmos for us.

But really, I’m not so concerned about myself. I’m sad, it’s a very sad thing, and I’m happy to be there for the family. But the people I’m worried about are Z and his family. Z definitely takes these kinds of things not only to heart, but to brain as well – last night, he commented that he felt anxious and couldn’t sleep. We talked about work, that wasn’t it, we talked about other life things, that wasn’t it, and I asked about the baby, and he wasn’t ready to say that it was specifically bugging him, but it became obvious that it was affecting him still. He’s from a family of non-talkers, though (the EXACT and TOTAL opposite of my family, for the record, so I have no idea how to handle things their way, it’s quite a learning experience), so I think he’s not sure how to put the emotions into words. He certainly doesn’t feel compelled to, like I am. So, I just told him I am always here, if he needs me.

And as far as Z’s brother and sister in law – well, that’s where I start to get really worried. Sometimes, I think their marriage is hanging on by a thread. They are cranky with each other a ton of the time, I know they are yellers, and they are not always able to handle things maturely. I’ve witnessed some of it.  And that’s fine. They’re good parents, they’re good people, I’m just not always sure they’re good partners to each other. Which is sometimes workable, until you hit a tragedy like the one that happened this weekend. I’ve heard before that 75% of marriages don’t survive the death of a child. My mom had a sister who died of cancer when she was 12, and guess what – her parents divorced that very year. This is the fate I fear for them. And it would really be sad to see, because I know that together, we are stronger than we are alone – and I imagine no one can comprehend the depth of pain caused by losing a child like the two parents can. So I hope that they are able to turn to each other, not away from each other. I hope that they will be a source of courage, love and strength for each other, not stress and arguments and pressure. I really hope they make it.

And then there’s the assorted extended family – Z’s dad is not adept at dealing with intense emotions, and I suspect he is hurting more than he is letting on. Z’s mom is traditionally strong, but I feel like the boys don’t let her in enough to help them. She was rough on them in their youth, and that’s not something that’s easily overcome.

So that’s where we are. I’m okay, and just worried about how everyone else is doing. But time is the best remedy for grief. So we’ll see how this goes from here.



  1. I truly, honestly hope that the parents manage to work it out. And for themselves – not just for their child. As a child of divorce, I can only say what I know.

  2. I understand where Z is coming from (being from a non-talker, non-expressive family). It might be tough for him to open up, but give him time. When he’s ready to talk, he will. As for his family, I do hope they work it out and that this situation doesn’t tear them apart.

  3. It is scary–a relationship has to be really strong in order to survive such a tragedy. If there are already cracks, it’s likely that they’ll get wider. But you never know. Such a thing could bring them together, too.

  4. I’m still thinking of you. That’s all.

  5. I am really sorry to read that post. That is a horrible thing for anyone to go through. My thoughts are with Z’s family.

  6. Oh my god. Big, big hugs. I am so sorry girl.

  7. i’m glad i could make you laugh. seems like you and perhaps others around might need a smile.


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